No Idea Families Found in Scripture

Genesis 27

Jim Davis

With the advent of the 21st century we have discovered that our world is less than ideal. Our culture was shaken by the terrorist’s attacks of 9-11-2001. Then dishonesty wiped out more than ten thousand 401 (k)s as Enron collapsed. The world has awakened from the dream of idealism in shock, and is looking for something more meaningful. 

There is an article in Reader’s Digest by Rabbi Marc Cellman & Monsignor Tom Hartman titled “How Do You Find God?” The search for meaning in everyday life . . . The article reveals how our thinking has changed since 9-11-2001. It reveals how there is now a deeper self-examination going on all over the country. And love, family and faith are emerging.

“More single people are flocking to dating services, looking for committed relationships. Bridal retailers report a surge in sales. Even sales of old-fashioned board games have skyrocketed.

“The new appreciation for time spent with those we love poses a great spiritual question to materialistic yuppies and workaholic careerists, and that question is this: ‘Was your life before September 11 really working for you?’ To many the answer is no.

“‘We once heard of a CEO who spoke at his retirement dinner to a group of young executives. He said, “I know you want my job, and I’ll tell you how to get it. Last week my daughter was married, and as she walked down the aisle, I realized I did not know the name of her best friend, or the last book she read, or her favorite color. That’s the price I paid for this job. If you are willing to pay that price, you can have it.’

“People are figuring out the price they have been paying for their lives, and for many its just too high. 

“We asked kids during December to name the very best gift they could receive. Their answer took our breath away. The overwhelming choice was ‘More time with my mom and dad.’” (Reader’s Digest April 2002, pg. 111-112.)

No Idea Families Portrayed in Scripture

There are no ideal families portrayed in Scripture. Initially, this truth may seem shocking, but it is the truth. There is not a single family in the entire Bible that evokes admiration. The Bible certainly has much instruction concerning the family, but it never once reveals a perfect example of a family. We may think that just knowing and following God as a Christian would be enough to make an ideal family, but not so. 

Eugene Peterson writes, “Adam and Eve are no sooner out of the garden than their children get in a fight. Shem, Ham, and Japheth are forced to devise a strategy to hide their father's drunken shame. Jacob and Esau are bitter rivals and sow seeds of discord that bear centuries of bitter harvest. Joseph and his brothers bring changes on the themes of sibling rivalry and parental bungling. Jesse's sons, brave and loyal in service of their country, are capricious and cruel to their youngest brother. David is unfortunate in both wives and children—he is a man after God's own heart and Israel's greatest king, but he cannot manage his own household.

“Even in the family of Jesus, where we might expect something different, there is exposition of the same theme. The picture in Mark, chapter three, strikes us as typical rather than exceptional: Jesus is active, healing the sick, comforting the distressed, and fulfilling his calling as Messiah, while his mother and brothers are outside trying to get him to come home, quite sure that he is crazy. Jesus' family criticizes and does not appreciate. It misunderstands and does not comprehend.

“The biblical material consistently portrays the family not as a Norman Rockwell group, beaming in gratitude around a Thanksgiving turkey, but as a series of broken relationships in need of redemption . . .” (Via Preachertoday.com.)

The Story of Dysfunctional Family

The book of Genesis reveals one family that is working like the devil to serve the Lord. This family gives a prime example of a dysfunctional family. It is the family of Isaac and Rebekah. This family is typical of why families become dysfunctional.

Gen 27:1-13
27:1 When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, "My son."

"Here I am," he answered. 

2 Isaac said, "I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your weapons--your quiver and bow--and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die." 

5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, "Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, 7'Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the LORD before I die.' 8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies." 

11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, "But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin. 12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing." 

13 His mother said to him, "My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me." NIV

This family became dysfunctional by seeking to accomplish God’s purposes without following God’s plan. The blessing sought had to do with inheritance rights. Rebekah wanted Jacob blessed with God’s promised inheritance. Jacob wanted to give Esau the blessing of inheritance despite God’s will. The family became totally dysfunctional. It wasn’t because of God’s will, but how they sought to accomplish God’s will.

As Isaac was instructing Esau, Rebekah was listening. The Hebrew word here carries with it the idea of habitual listening. She knew from the very beginning what Isaac was planning to do, so she was constantly listening in on the conversations of Esau and Isaac. 

Esau hadn’t got out of the house before Rebekah had a plan of her own. She had been plotting for years to make sure the blessing would go to Jacob. Her plan was either out of desperation or out of a very devious mind. It could have been both. 

God had already determined that the blessing was to be bestowed upon Jacob. 

Genesis 25:21-26
21 Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the LORD. 

23 The LORD said to her,

"Two nations are in your womb,
and two peoples from within you will be separated;
one people will be stronger than the other,
and the older will serve the younger." 

24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.   26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. NIV

God spoke to Rebekah about the significance of the twins struggling in her womb. God said, “The younger shall rule over the older.” Isaac didn’t buy it. He was determined that the blessing would be bestowed upon Esau in secret.

Later when Jacob blessed his sons at the end of his life, he did it in the presence of them all. However, his father Isaac sought to give the blessing to Esau secretly. It left the family open for difficulty. Maybe Jacob learned a lesson from his father.

When God said the older will serve the younger that should have been the end of the matter of who would receive the blessing of inheritance. But it wasn’t!

Jacob sought to impose his personal will upon his family. It was a total disregard for the will of God. He spent his life planning how Esau could receive God’s intended blessing for Jacob. He sought to rob Jacob of God’s intended blessing. The family learned their deceitful scheming ways from their father. 

Isaac provoked the family to wrath. The responsibility for carrying out God’s will was upon the father’s shoulder. He understood that the blessing promised to Abraham was to be passed to Jacob.

Isaac was in outright rebellion to the will of God, but he probably thought that he would accomplish God’s will through his own selfish plans. This was the man who was laid upon an altar as a sacrifice by his father Abraham. He had witnessed his father’s determination to carry out God’s will. He had received the blessing of God as the second born child to Abraham. He even knows that God chose him as the one to be blessed by his father before he was born. Yet, he is refusing to give the blessing of inheritance to God’s chosen one. He is unwilling to accept God’s choice in the matter of Jacob.

God revealed his plan to Rebekah before the twins were born. There is no indication that Rebekah failed to inform Isaac of God’s plan. Isaac may have been one of those men bound and determine that a woman wasn’t going to tell him what God’s will was. Maybe he was overreacting to Rebekah because his mother Sarah was so head-strong about Hagar having a child by Abraham. He lived in conflict with his brother Ishmael as a result of her decision. Whatever the reasons; it did untold damage to the family.

Isaac’s action possibly led to Esau despising his birthright. His actions no doubt convinced Esau that he deserved something better. Somehow, he had convinced himself to show favoritism to Esau.

Fathers often seek to control the lives of their children so they will become what they want them to become. Fathers often want their children to live out their own personal dreams. A man was a doctor, and he loved his profession. However, he strictly controlled his children in order for them to become doctors, and they hated the profession. The child seeking to live out a father’s dream usually becomes the object of favoritism, which only leads to more complications.

God is not a policeman; He is a Father concerned about His children. Contrary to popular opinion, sin is not what you want to do but can't; it is what you should not do because it will hurt you—and hurt you bad. ... When a child picks up a snake and the father says, "Put that down right this minute!" the child thinks he's losing a toy. The fact is, he is not losing a toy; he is losing a snake. Isaac was like this child that picks up a snake. He couldn’t see the harm he was doing by refusing to obey God. 

Fathers must learn to accept their children. A few years ago I was standing at the bedside of a dying man. It was the day before his death. He had rallied as many dying do just before death. He was more mentally alert than he had been in weeks. He was saying his goodbyes. Later that evening outside the hospital room his child revealed to me what the father said on that day. The child said daddy told me, “That there really wasn’t anything wrong with me.” But that statement was followed by the child’s heart rending words, “But why didn’t he tell me that years ago!” 

Her words indicated that her life had seemed to be a disappointment to her father. It was all because he had expected the child to be something that was not intended to be. Isaac  had the same problem with his sons. He couldn’t see God’s purpose for each of his sons. It wasn’t a dishonor not to be the one God had chosen for Abraham’s blessing. God had a place for each of his sons, but Isaac attempted to thwart God’s plan for each of his children by seeking to impose his will over God’s will. 

Jacob wasn’t any different from the CEO mentioned in Reader’s Digest. He was so bent on getting what he wanted out of life that he never truly enjoyed his family. I can’t even begin to dream of how Jacob’s family would have been different, if only he had encouraged each of his sons to follow God’s dream rather than his on selfish dream for their lives. Instead he became a father that only provoked his children to wrath with his own selfish ambition. Paul warns fathers not to provoke the children to wrath, but instead bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-4).

Thank God for parents who teach their children that God’s plan for their lives comes first. I witnessed the manager of Dunkin Donut interviewing a high school student for a job one morning this week. He was interviewing him at one of the tables across from where I was sitting. The manager asked the young man if he was willing to work on weekends. He quickly answered, “Yes, but I go to church on Sunday mornings.” I was proud of that young man. The manager then asked, “Then you would be available to work afternoons and evenings on Sunday?” The answer was, “Yes.” The manager continued that interview in a very positive manner. 

Isaac’s family was much different. Each family member wrestled each other all their lives over the rights of inheritance. Rebekah and Jacob were fighting like the devil to make sure God’s plan was carried out in accordance with their wills. This was the ongoing struggle within this family from the day these boys were born. Each member of this family sought their own selfish ends.

There was an irony to Esau selling his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of soup. He knew that the birthright of inheritance was to go to Jacob through God’s decree. It really wasn’t his to sell. God had given it to Jacob before he was born. 

Perhaps it was Isaac’s attitude toward the blessing of inheritance that made Esau incompetent. He just knew that his father was going to give him the blessing regardless of what transpired. He was probably banking on it. So he sold his birthright in a frivolous matter to thumb his nose at his brother Jacob as the chosen one of God.

This no doubt made Jacob feel justified in cheating his brother out of his blessing. Jacob was also seeking to assure his blessing by using the methods of the devil to make sure God’s plan worked. He thought he could accomplish God’s purpose through less than ethical means, but he ended up with only a stone for a pillow.

Can you begin to imagine the kind of tension that pervaded the family dinner table? Neither came away with a smiling face. That’s the heavy price tag of sin.

The end result was alienation of husband and wife. Jacob faced the inevitable results of his deception. Esau became profane because he refused to accept God’s assigned role for his in life. Jacob became a cheat because his father never taught him to trust God. Isaac had encouraged his sons rebellion. 

Esau and Jacob became enemies.

Genesis 27:41-46
41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." 

42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, "Your brother Esau is consoling himself with the thought of killing you. 43 Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Haran. 44 Stay with him for a while until your brother's fury subsides. 45 When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I'll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?" 

46 Then Rebekah said to Isaac, "I'm disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living." 

This dysfunctional family was aggravated by two children who were manipulated by their parents to accomplish their own selfish purposes. Parents often aggravate the family by not accepting their children as they are.

Fathers must develop an atmosphere of openness with their wives for the welfare of the children. The following verses are found immediately after Rebekah discovers Esau’s plan to kill Jacob. 

Genesis 28:1-5
28:1 So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and commanded him: "Do not marry a Canaanite woman. 2 Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother's father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother. 3 May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. 4 May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now live as an alien, the land God gave to Abraham." 5 Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau. NIV

Again Rebekah resorts to deceit and manipulation to protect the welfare of the family. She probably feels compelled to do so. Isaac doesn’t seem to have a clue to what is going on among his family members.

This dysfunctional family began with a father who refused to listen to God. He thought his ways were better than God’s. He refused to lead his family to trust God’s purposes.

This dysfunctional family was encouraged by a wife and mother who refused to sit and have a heart to heart talk with a husband bent on his own selfish ways. She resorted to the same conniving ways of her husband to accomplish God’s purposes. 

This dysfunctional family was promoted by two sons who adopted the ways of their parents as they worked like the devil to accomplish God’s purposes.

Conclusion:

Jesus came to restore harmony to families by reconciling parents and children. 

Malachi 4:4-6 
"Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel. "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." (NIV)

Jesus came to restore harmony to our relationships.

Ephesians 5:22-6:10
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."  32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

Ephesians 6 
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."  

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 

5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free. 

9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him. 

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. NIV

Discovering God’s purpose will lead us to harmony. We can’t genuinely turn to God without turning to those around us. 

  » "Spiritual authority flows not from titles and positions but from a life that is genuine."«

   A young person just getting into the ministry often experiences a clash between personal idealism and the harsh realities of the status quo that resists change.  Jesus warns us not to lose our saltiness, and we should always be willing to let the Word of God challenge us.  However, there is a greater danger: having so much salt that we become arrogant.  The writer, now a senior pastor, explains five misconceptions he has had to overcome since the early years of his ministry.
   (1) As an associate pastor he felt a great deal of frustration because of not being free to make final decisions about matters that were in his area of responsibility.  He thought if he had more control that he could accomplish much more. Only after becoming a senior pastor and having that kind of power did he learn that institutional control does not equal spiritual authority. Character is what people really respect in a leader, not political power.  This approach is contrary to the way the world thinks, but Jesus is our example.  He held no positions and shunned any kind of prestige, yet people respected His authority because of the truth of His words and because of the way He lived.
   (2) The writer learned that, even though it is possible to manipulate people by appeals to loyalty or stirring up guilt, external compliance does not equal spiritual transformation. When his congregation began home groups some years ago, everyone was encouraged to get involved.  Some members had to be prodded. Those who started attending out of a sense of obligation, however, nearly ruined the groups.  It became clear that only those who really desired to grow spiritually should participate. Spirituality thrives in an atmosphere of freedom.  A pastor should clearly set forth God's Word, but he should not try to compel people to obey it.
   (3) All too often fruitfulness in ministry is equated with numerical growth or personal prestige, but in the New Testament fruitfulness meant consistent obedience and integrity.  Jesus didn't waste any time defending Himself against rumors but concentrated on being faithful to His Father.
   (4) Naturally pastors want people to like and admire them, so it is easy for them to equate pleasing others with servanthood. Yet they must remember that they are primarily servants of Christ not of the church members.  The attitude of servanthood is not measured so much by how a pastor teaches and preaches but by how willing he is to meet the practical needs of people--setting up chairs, helping a parishioner move, and so on. Jesus washed the disciples' dirty feet.
   (5) Seminary has a tendency to produce more academic arrogance than intellectual integrity. Paul cautions, "Knowledge puffs up."  When pastors begin to feel that they cannot learn from anyone, they are putting themselves on a very shaky pedestal because God can speak through anyone He chooses.
      "A case of mistaken ministerial identity" by Wayne Jacobsen.  Leadership, Wint 1992.  Pages 92- 95.  

Eugene H. Peterson

A search of Scripture turns up one rather surprising truth: there are no exemplary families. Not a single family is portrayed in Scripture in such a way so as to evoke admiration in us. There are many family stories, there is considerable reference to family life, and there is sound counsel to guide the growth of families, but not a single model family for anyone to look up to in either awe or envy.